|
My · So · Called · (University) · Life
Blogging away...
 |
|
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH HHH Fucking men are fucking fuckwits. That is all. |
|
|
I know I haven't posted in a long while, but I'm angry and need to let of some steam. So, here we go.
I'm fed up - fed up with arrogant fuckwits who I will happily acknowledge, know so much more than me - but are incapable of being nice about it. Fed up with being made to feel inferior when I've not yet had the chance to prove myself. Annoyed at questioning my ability to do something because other people question me. Irritated that instead of learning from the people that know, they act all superior and hand out information in dribs and drabs whilst talking about topics that they know are over my head. Pissed off that I am informed, repeatedly, that my opinion was not asked for - with not-so-subtle implications that it is therefore worthless - but opinions are repeatedly forced upon me. Angry that whatever I do, no matter how well-intentioned, is construed as, at best interfering, and at worst spiteful, vindictive and deliberate; despite all attempts to the contrary it seems I cannot help with anything, I am merely trying to usurp, control and take over for my own purposes. Irritated that it seems any praise I do merit cannot received graciously as it must have negative criticisms heaped on top; and any good idea I have is also thought of by others, and discussed before I have the opportunity to mention it. Hurt that when I do then mention said ideas, it is assumed that I must have taken them from someone else - clearly I could never come up with it by myself(!) Sick and tired of being singled out for this treatment; others act like twats but are humoured, even encouraged. Annoyed that people seem to have little, if any, concern that maybe their actions have consequences - ones that I should not have to deal with. Frustrated with the fact that I am constantly ignored, forgotten, left-out, abandoned, but that if I don't think to *explicitly* include someone I am seen as guilty of the same - no matter how likely it was that they would wish to be included. Really, really pissed off that something intended to be a small, fun occaision was morphed into a ridiculous caricature of what I wanted, for no discernible reason - other than to spite me, possibly? And sick and FUCKING TIRED of being taken for granted, spoken to like I'm scum on the bottom of someone's shoe, being treated like shit, being victimised - being bullied - being hurt, being made to feel worthless, being ignored, being mocked, being ridiculed, being spoken about behind my back, being made to feel an inch tall, being criticised, being ostracised, being stepped on, stepped over, walked over, run over, looked over, being made to feel, in a million different and painful ways, like I am *nothing*. All from people who are supposed to be my friends? I have friends, real friends, who don't treat me this way...
I've had enough.
|
|
|
... Or anyone else interested, for that matter. After much playing around with my iTunes playlists, I've come up with what could possibly be the most chilled out travelling playlist ever. Watching the world go by from a moving car/train/coach/airplane has always been one of my favourite things to do; sometimes I feel like it's the only time I'm ever able to truly relax and just let go of everything that usually burdens me. And music has always been an integral part of it; the more chilled the better (although my destination sometimes has a bearing on how chilled/excited I want to be...) For those who just want the basics; combine Death Cab for Cutie, Damien Rice, Snow Patrol, Get Cape Wear Cape Fly and any other similar artists who take your fancy. For those who want the whole song list, you can find it
Current Music: |
well, duh... | |
|
|
In 2008,  tammy0001 resolves to... Volunteer to spend time with barmaidblogs. Pay for my rickykaps on time. Drink four glasses of mrbumeyes every day. Ask my boss for a samziemango. Find a new catmint_1984. Apply for a new princeofdudes. |
|
|
Ok, as Adam has been out for the past couple of Shibby crew events, there's a few points I'd like to make.
1) I am not his keeper, I am his girlfriend, and hopefully your friend. I'd like it if the first thing some people said to me was "Hi, how are you?" Not "Hi, where's Adam?"
2) If I do happen to know why he's not there, I don't really want to participate in a discussion about whether or not it's a good/bad/valid/lame reason. That's something you can take up with him. I'm just the messenger.
3) If the reason I give you isn't the same as something you've heard from him, again, take it up with him. Sitting there and listening to "Well, he's lying" is not something I particularly want to do, for various reasons.
4) I will not phone/text him to convince him to come out. If I'm out without him, it's highly likely that I've already tried to convince him, and trying again won't do any good.
With regards to Boxing Day, if we can be there we will. But he's got a family thing, to which I've been invited, and it would be incredibly rude for *either* of us to leave early, and I don't know when it will start/end or anything like that. If Adam doesn't go, I won't either, but it's not because we couldn't be bothered.
This isn't meant to sound like I'm having a go at anyone, it's just I'm beginning to feel like I'm bearing the brunt of everyone's unhappiness when he doesn't come out. I've also spoken to him about making sure that if he isn't coming out, he talks to someone else about it rather than asking me to give his apologies. |
|
|
Haven't posted in a while. I think I'm a bit emo really; I much prefer to write when I'm feeling all down and angsty. Being that things are going pretty well in my life at the moment, there doesn't seem to be much to write about. Things with Adam are going really well; having just got back from a week in Southampton where not only did we not kill each other, but actually spent the whole time really enjoying each other's company, I think it's safe to say this one's a good one (both the relationship, and Adam; I'm objectifying you! :P). All things considered, I'm really glad we decided to give this a go - so far the distance thing hasn't caused any serious problems, and in fact the more time I spend with him the more I realise I really like being with him. We get along amazingly well, we share the same taste in tv and music and webcomics but we like enough different things that it's not weird....
I'm gushing. Stopping now.
Being in Southampton was pretty cool; I needed the time away from Uni and the Theatre to give my head a chance to relax, and to just destress enough that I can do a decent job on my last piece of coursework instead of panicking. Also, it was really good to see everyone and celebrate my birthday with at least some of my friends from home; I love Sam and Tim to bits, and have friends here, but it's not the same. Plus, I got some really cute bracelets and a Penguin of Death ! mug from Emma, and Adam got me PUPPET SPIKE! (For anyone who saw the last season of Angel, you know the one where he's turned into a puppet? He got me a Spike version. It's so cool!) Also, got to meet Fred. He. Is. ADORABLE. And it's 4.30 in the morning. Sleep is needed desperately. More posting will occur soon. Promise. |
|
|
So I have the internet back, finally. Yay!
Not huge lots of news. Theatre stuff is continualy sucking me in and driving me crazy and yet i can't get enough; it's a full blown addiction, I tell you. New techs seem to be working really well, which is definitely of the good. Uni work isn't going *amazingly* but I should be able to get any problems with that sorted this week, and they're definitely not as bad as last year! Um... things with Adam seem to be going well. A little scary actually... did anyone else know he had human feelings?!?! (I only tease because I know he's reading...) No, seriously, they're of the good. He came to visit last weekend, and got on amazingly well with my housemates. It's disturbing how alike he and Tim are, and yet not. Seems he's missing pretty much everything about Tim I *don't* like :P. I'm going to Southampton next weekend for Emma's birthday thing, so will see him then. So far, the long distance thing seems to be working ok - at least from my perspective. It's nice to feel like seeing him is something special. And I think he likes it because it means I give him Lucky Charms ;)
Am missing people a lot at the moment. Things Nottingham-wise aren't brilliant; while housemates are awesome, course is of the good and theatre is actually fun no matter how much I whine, I've just had enough of being here. I thought that this would be the last year, and now it's really hitting me that it's not. I want to go back to London, or go somewhere new, and I can't. Which is not sitting well. I've always been a bit of a free spirit type; never liked sticking with one thing or staying in one place too long. And Nottingham? I've had my fill. I know I can stick it out two more years if I have to. I just.... want a change, I guess. Visiting Southampton often is helping, kinda; aside from the obvious happy I get from seeing Adam and all my friends there, it's nice to get some variety, but I'm starting to get a little stir-crazy. Time to fly this hen-house, I think.
Only, not yet.
Current Mood: |
 contemplative | |
|
|
1. List seven habits/quirks/facts about yourself.
2. Tag seven people to do the same.
3. Do not tag the person who tagged you or say that you tag "whoever wants to do it." - Ok, there will be no tagging as I don't have that many LJ friends so I will cheat and say anyonr who wants to do it. Even though I shouldn't. 1) I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like if I had never had to have heart surgery. I prefer it this way. 2) I love sitting in the passenger seat of a car/on a bus/coach/train listening to chilled out music and just watching the scenery go by. Especially at night. 3) After Mike, I promised myself I would never tell someone I love them if I didn't *know* it was true. So far, I haven't. 4) However, it takes me a long time to build up the courage to tell someone when it is true. 5) I wish my hair was naturally red. 6) I play with my jewellery 7) I love filling these in, even though they probably annoy people :P |
|
|
Hey again. It's lunch time, and I still have half an hour to kill before heading back to lectures again so I figured I might as well write another post. Not much has changed in the last day apart from one rather worrying event; one of my room-mates (Celienne, the French girl) seems to have disappeared. Her belongings are all gone, and yesterday morning I saw her talking to a family; she mentioned she has family in the area, so I assume they were hers! I spoke to the course co-ordinator, a Madame Maurel, who didn't know she had left, but seemed unsurprised, so I figure it's not like she's actually vanished. Still, it's strange. She didn't say goodbye :(. Other than that, everything's pretty good, if a little tiring. We start at 9 am and in the evening after our lectures we have data analysis sessions and are expected to work on the project presentation they've given us, which meant that I finally got back to my room a little after ten last night. Thirteen hours days are *draining*. But the topics are really good; talking about origins of life, growing cell cultures in space, loads of things like that. And now that I no longer have my resit to worry about, I can focus on enjoying myself a lot more. The one big problem is that my insomnia seems to be set on high at the moment; sharing with others (especially strangers) always makes for sleepless night for me, but we're also right on a very busy road and the wind has been very high for the past couple of nights, meaning there's a lot of background noise. And my earplugs aren't helping much. I'm waking up maybe four or five times a night, and it takes at least half an hour to get back to sleep. Not good when I have to wake up at 7 am.... For those who wish to chat, if I'm in I can be found on msn between around 8 and 11 your time (9-12 here), depending on numerous factors like how tired I am, how much sleep I had the night before, what time I have to get up in the morning, and whether I fancy going out and getting drunk/chilling on the beach with everyone else. However, I think most weeknights I'll be staying in; too tired to do anything else! Miss you guys loads; my room-mates are nice but living with people who can barely understand what you're saying can get pretty frustrating! Love and stuff, Tammy xxx |
|
|
Wrote this last night with the goal of saving and posting when I get internet access; which would be today! Hey guys! So far I’ve been here for a day. Yesterday was incredibly bright and sunny – and it’s SO HOT! Today’s not particularly bright and everyone’s complaining about the weather, but to me it’s still really warm. They should come and try out the English weather before they complain… Then again, a lot of the people on the course are here from Spain (Madrid and Valencia) so I suppose to them this *is* bad weather. Lucky… Starting right at the beginning, yesterday I flew out from Stanstead. RyanAir are useless and my flight first changed gate and then got delayed by about two hours; we were boarding after we were due to depart! It was fun though; because Stanstead is small and RyanAir is a budget airline etc we had to actually walk on the runway to get to the plane; every time I’ve flown before I’ve just gone through one of those big walkway things that take you straight to the plane door. Safer I guess, but boring! I remembered on the plane how much I really love to fly. Granted, it’s not the most comfortable way to travel, especially on a budget airline with no leg room and lots of screaming kids kicking the back of your seat (FYI, when I have kids, I’m not taking them on an airplane until they’re old enough to sit still and behave themselves!). But looking out the window when you’ve just finished climbing and seeing that you’re just hanging there above the clouds is such an amazing experience. I can’t understand how anyone can *not* love it – I just wish the windows were bigger! And yesterday was perfect for it as well; the clouds were all white and fluffy and really did look like cotton wool; like you could walk on them. :D When I arrived in Perpignan, the first thing I noticed was the heat; really didn’t need to pack any warm clothes at all! Second thing that I noticed was both amusing and disturbing; Perpignan is a very small airport, so I really wasn’t expecting to see armed guards standing around on the walls and in the corners. And certainly not five of them, considering that the baggage collection area is about the same size as my garden. Also, when I say armed guards, I don’t mean security guards with pistols or even the police, I mean soldiers in uniform with what looked like rifles – I’m not a gun expert. Scary! Getting here was easier than I’d thought; had to wait about half an hour for the coach to the train station and about 20 mins for my train though. But the guy at the train station when my train got in was really lovely; he called a taxi for me, trying loads of different numbers after I managed to communicate with him (in his broken English and my abysmal French, really need to revisit that…) where I was going. When he finally found one, I did offer him a tip but he turned it down; anybody know the etiquette for tipping non-wait staff in Europe? Not that I’ll be able to use it as I won’t post this ‘til I get home, but it might come in handy next time. I mentioned this in the email I sent everyone, but I’m sharing a room with three other girls; one from the University in Paris of which this institution is a part, and two from Valencia. The French girl (you’ll have to forgive me not writing names, I’m still trying to remember them all and I can’t spell them anyway) speaks fairly good English and I can usually figure out what she’s saying when she can’t remember the words. The two Spanish girls don’t seem to speak very good English, which I would have thought would be difficult being that the conference is all in English, but I suppose they know all the scientific terms. My French is appalling considering my A* at GCSE, but Celienne (best spelling I can think of for the French girl’s name, I’ll correct it in future posts) is correcting me when I get it wrong, as I am with her English. Hopefully after two weeks here my French will have improved a lot, as I’m intending to take Intermediate French as one of my modules next term and it would be really useful if my French is good enough to ace it; anything to bring my marks up! On the topic of marks, I have my resit tomorrow morning. As I had a really bad headache this afternoon, I skipped the lectures to lie down for a while (hopefully I wont get in too much trouble :S) and so when I woke up I figured I may as well do some revision rather than go in late and embarrass myself. My exam is Circulation, Respiration and Renal Physiology. The heart stuff I’m ok with; I suppose I should be really! The Respiration and Renal Physiology part (read: breathing and kidneys) is a little trickier though, but hopefully I’ll do better than last time! I only need 2% more to pass this module, which I think equates to about 5% in the exam. Should definitely be possible… Fingers crossed. I’d say wish me luck, but again you won’t read this until long after I’ve taken the exam! Right; have taken the exam. The heart stuff came up and was fine. Respiration questions were AWFUL so I just ignored them (chose 2 out of 3) and went for the kidney one, which seemed ok though I think I missed some of the finer points. Well, we’ll see… That’s it for now; I’ll try and break these updates into fairly manageable chunks so that your Friends pages aren’t overwhelmed by a huge load of entries from me. Miss you guys loads! Loads of love to everyone, Tammy xxx |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.1){kind=small}
tammy0001's journal